A Mother's Reflection

 I've been a mom for 15 1/2 months but have only had my little prince in my arms for 6 1/2 months of that time. Over the past 2 months, I've really began to consider what being a mommy means and have realized some very important things (It's only been the past 2 months because I just started getting a little more sleep to where I can think more clearly haha). As a first time mom, I want everything to be perfect. I want to care for Caleb in the best way, and I want him to be above average in everything (don't we all?? haha). I get very very excited when something goes "right" or the "way I wanted" and very very disappointed when it doesn't go the way I had anticipated or the way someone else says it should go.
 I read so many articles, books, asked for advice, watched videos.. you name it, and I did it. Even though I have babysat many different children, they were not MY children, and at the end of the day I was able to give them back to their parents. I didn't have a clue about what to do if my child would't nap or sleep at night or cried constantly or my back ached because he wanted to be held ALL THE TIME. I thought I knew what being tired was, and I never thought I could survive without at least 7 hours of sleep on a regular basis. Well, maybe before I couldn't but your body can do amazing things when you have no choice (and by the Lord's strength!). NOTHING was enough. NOTHING solved all my problems. I was getting so frustrated, so fed up, and feeling like a failure as a mom. It wasn't until about a month ago when Tim shared with me about fellowship he had received from some brothers that my eyes were opened. Of course we called out to the Lord at 1am, 2am, 3am, ect. on nights Caleb refused to sleep, and of course we asked the Lord in a very broad way to help us ("Lord, please help me!!"). But, we really didn't give everything to the Lord. We didn't ask the Lord what HE was doing with Caleb, what HE wanted for Caleb, and how to best care for him. If there was any advice I would ever give a new parent from this moment on it is: You MUST seek the Lord in every single moment, every decision, every waking second of every day that you are responsible for this little vessel that belongs to God. We have NO IDEA what that child needs. No two children are alike. No one theory will solve our problems. WE NEED THE LORD TO BE THE PARENT IN US!!!

whew!! What a relief! I'm not saying reading books is bad or asking for advice from experienced moms is bad. Some of those things were very helpful to me, and I fully believe fellowship in the Body is vitally important. It's when we take those things and try them or trust in them without contacting the Lord that it becomes a problem. None of the theories or advice I received was what I needed to care for Caleb, but little bits here and there were VERY helpful when I put them together by the leading of the Lord. It doesn't  matter how "specialized" a person is in the expertise of children or how many kids this idea worked for or how horrible someone may think you are for what you choose to do (for example, breastfeeding or formula feeding, back sleeping or stomach sleeping, co-sleep or crib sleep, work or stay-at-home, cry-it-out or no cry, vaccinate or not or alternate schedule, ect.). This is my child and my responsibility, and I must have the Lord's leading which issues in the peace. Tim and I  must be one in all matters and following the leading of the Lord together. Now, hopefully I will take my own advice and follow it for as long as I am alive whether my kids are babies or adults. I pray the Lord keeps me contacting Him, praying over my children (even those not born yet), one with Tim, and one with the other members of the body of Christ. This is the only way I can go on in the tough times, live in the present moments every day, and be the best loving Godly mother I can be. <3